Beauty treats?

When you can get a salon treatment for the price of a skinny cappuccino, it's great to indulge in some pampering from time to time. Quite frankly, my body needs a few treats given what it's endured over the past few weeks in Vietnam and Cambodia.

Feet treats
A couple of times in Cambodia I decided to try and pretty up my feet, especially considering what they'd waded through on the farm. I started with a regular pedicure. I sat back in my comfy chair while my therapist crouched in the typical flat foot squat that Asian people adopt so easily. Try it, it really isn't so easy.

My feet were cleaned, then cleaned some more - clearly even she recognised the depth of dirt she was dealing with and decided to move on swiftly. Out came the colours. Now I'm normally a deep berry kind of girl, but I was out of luck. Acid green, lemon yellow, lurid pink or a 1980s bridesmaid shade of peach? Hmmm. I opted for a pink which was rather more luminous than I anticipated. However, this proved rather useful the following day when the tuk tuk broke down and I jumped out into a muddy ditch yet could still see a gleaming pink toenail shining through the cow dung!

Fishy feet treats
I'd heard tales of the legendary fish massage in Siem Reap, so I was eager to try it for myself. Picture a kind of paddling pool filled with little fish all waiting to nibble away on your feet. Why did I ever think this was going to be a treat? It was truly revolting. My friend Sarah and I sat poised on the edge of the pool, trying unsuccessfully to immerse our feet in the fishy water for quite some time. Every time our feet got near the water and enticed the fish towards us, we shrieked and pulled our feet away. Eventually I managed to get my feet just below the water, the fish gathered around and started nibbling away on my heels. It really wasn't pleasant. When they ventured up to the sole of my feet, that was it. I hate having my feet tickled by anyone, but by a fish... Sorry, it wasn't for me. Fish fingers, yes. Fish feet, definitely not.

"You want massaaaage lady?"
This phrase was heard fairly frequently and once or twice I accepted. Now I love a good firm massage, but be warned. Don't be fooled by the masseur's petite frame. Cambodian women are incredibly strong, and when they're kneeling on your buttocks, leaning their full body weight onto your shoulders, you could be forgiven for thinking that it was Mike Tyson back there rather than an 8 stone middle aged woman. As I was wondering whether to surrender, lift the white flag and admit defeat, the silence was broken by the tune of 'Happy birthday'. It was her mobile phone ringtone! Ignoring me, she started to chat animatedly. I began to relax, but then she laughed heartily into her phone whilst gazing at my near naked body. If she hadn't been still kneeling on my buttocks, I'd have run away!

Two for the price of one
My latest beauty treat really was an experience. In Saigon, I realised that I was due a wax. After negotiating a good price, I was introduced to my two therapists. Yes, two for the price of one! They set about waxing my legs with gusto. Brilliant - double speed, extra efficiency and over in no time.

Then they moved up. I may be a little sensitive, paranoid even, but the glances that they exchanged and the fevered chat that ensued as they tackled my bikini line was somewhat disconcerting. This continued for the next 20 minutes. Yes, 20 minutes of the sort of teeth sucking noises normally reserved for builders and plumbers who reckon 'it's gonna cost ya love'. Give me a touch of British reserve and chat about holidays from a beauty therapist any day!

I ran away from that beauty session feeling rather traumatised, but with extremely silky hair-free legs. I'm still not sure if it was a beauty trick or treat though...